1. Angelina Jolie: Absolutely brilliant in theTomb Raider movies. I would take a sword through the pancreas to touch her lips with any part of my body.
2. Anna Kournikova: I'm not sure that I spelled her name right but you are probably too busy looking at her lucious body to care. I'd like to volley with her. See, I could say something about her playing with my balls since she plays a sport with balls... But I won't touch that. Too much class.
3. Beyonce Knowles: I'd like to Beyonce on her Knowles, if you know what I'm saying. I'm crazy in love. I'd say her name. I'd bug her boo and pay her bills, bills, bills....
4. Brianna Banks: Perhaps the ultimate in porno. God bless her. GOD BLESS HER.
5. Cameron Diaz: Ever since I saw her in The Mask, I was smitten. Gorgeous.
6. Carmen Electra: She went out with Dennis Rodman so, obviously, I'm her type. Also, she was in Good Burger.
7. Charlize Theron: She can give me an Italian Job.
8. Christina Aguilera: Ok, so she's gone a little downhill lately (skank). But in the Genie In a Bottle age she was bangin. Did anybody else notice SHE KISSED MADONNA TOO! I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHY DOES BRITNEY GET ALL THE SPOTLIGHT!
9. BRITNEY SPEARS!!!: SOOOOOOOO MUCH HOTTER THAN CHRISTINA. CREEPY McCREEP SAYS: "I WANT TO BE SANDWHICHED BETWEEN HER BOOBIES." Amen, Creepy. Amen.
10. Christy Carlson Romano: She's gorgeous AND I played flip cups with her. Even Stevens rocks the hizzy and she's gonna be playin Belle on Broadway's Beauty and the Beast. If anybody is as ecstatic about this as I am, you can join Joe Sabia's very own Christy Romano Fan Club!
11. Daisy Fuentes: #1 in our Latina women series! Simply, EN FUEGO...
12. Denise Richards: I'd give anything to be Neve Campbell.
13. Drew Barrymore: Perfect in every way. Period. Seriously, girls, why can't you just be more like her?
14. Elizabeth Hurley: If she was Satan, I would still do her. Bedazzled sucked but she is beautiful.
15. Baby Spice: Creepy McCreep: "I'd like to baby.... powder her... spice.... rack." What does that even mean?
16. Sporty Spice: Nothing turns me on like a woman who can beat Michael Jordon in horse.
JUST JOKING, SPORTY SPICE YOU ARE A FUCKIN HORSE, GET OUT OF THE HALL OF FAME!
The Real 16. Devon: Porn is great.
17. Faith Hill: I have faith that I will never be with a woman as hott as her.
18. Famke Jannsen: Ugly name, gorgeous woman.
19. Gina Gershon: Want to touch the heiney.
20. Heather Locklear: SCCCHHHWWWIIIINNNGGGG SHE'S BABE-ALICIOUS. IF SHE WERE PRESIDENT SHE WOULD BE BABRAHAM LINCOLN ~ Wayne's World
21. Heather Graham: Sure, she was great as the rollerskate girl in Boogie Nights, but I'll always remember her as the little innocent white bunny in Swingers. What a catch.
22. The Hilton Sisters: Specifically Paris. Highly recommend her movie. Four star quality. I heard she directed it as well. Talented.
23. Jamie Lynn-Discala: If you know me, you know I am obsessed with The Sopranos. Jamie plays Tony Soprano's daughter, Meadow. I would totally do Jamie Lynn, but I would not touch Meadow in fear my head would end up in a bowling ball bag. Actually, I probably would still do her, knowing full well of my death.
24. Jenna Jameson: Sets the standard for pornography today. This woman has single-handedly changed the porno industry forever. Probably the most accomplished woman on here, which means, the most accomplished woman in the history of the world.
25. Jennifer Aniston: When she thinks about me she touches herself. I am doing the same poze as I gaze at this picture.
26. Jennifer Love Hewitt: The reason I watched Heartbreakers instead of 15 Minutes on the way home from Australia. Yeah, that's right. She can love my Hewitt.... or something.
27. Jennifer Lopez: # 2 in our Latina women series! Ole! The ass says it all. Look at the one cheek gently rising in the foreground, and beyond that you get a quick glimpse of the other. Man, all I can say is, both hands, as hard as I could.
28. Jenny McCarthy: Related to Kevin McCarthy? Perhaps not. But if she was I bet he would still do her anyway.
29. Jessica Alba: Yes please.
30. Jessica Rabbit: "But, Paul, she's a cartoon!" EVERY MAN I KNOW HAS HAD AND PROBABLY STILL HAS SO MUCH LUST FOR THIS NOT REAL WOMAN. IF YOU ARE A GUY AND DENYING IT, YOU ARE LYING. She's not bad, she's just drawn that way.
31. Jessica Simpson: She's not the smartest thing on two legs, but you don't have to be too smart to..... Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
32. Kate Hudson: Cute, sexy, funny... What more could you ask for. Did she have her baby yet? If she did then she's SO a MILF.
33. Katie Holmes: If she climbed through my window right now, I would immediately mess myself.
34. (A.) Natalie Imbruglia's eyes: I could stare into those for hours.
34. (B.) Geri Halliwell's boobs: I could stare into those for hours...
35. Larissa Oleynik AKA Alex Mack: I'd love to shoot some GC-161 in her face. I'd really make her melt.
36. Mandy Moore: Dynamite Dancin' DiPaola has a question for you, Mrs. Moore: "You claim your love is sweet as candy. Well, to be sure you're not lying, I think I should have a taste." She has a lot to live up to cuz candy is pretty fuckin sweet, yo.
37. Michelle Branch: Creepy McCreep: "I'd let this Branch play with my twig and berries." Well, then...
38. Mila Kunis: Voice of Meg on Family Guy. Doable? Yes.
39. Natalie Portman: I won't touch this one since she is betrothed to Kevin.
40. Pamela Anderson: Sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttttt..... Hall of Fame of Life (Vagina Edition) Poster girl.
41. Penelope Cruz: Creepy McCreep: "I would like to pen... elope... with my cock in her breasts... on a cruise." 0 for 3, Creepy. 0 for 3.
42. Rachel Leigh Cook: She's all that.
43. Reese Witherspoon: I have some cruel intentions in mind for her.
44. Salma Hayek: It's amazing how such a beautiful woman can become so grotesque once you give her a unibrow. Freda, what's up with that.
45. Shannon Elizabeth: Yeah, pretty much the same reaction Jason Biggs has in American Pie every time I see her.
46. Sky Lopez: #3 in our Latina women series! Daisy.. ok... J-Lo, yeah, whatever... Sky... Pornography is a beautiful thing. I'm holding back tears right now.
47. Soleil Moon Frye: THIS IS PUNKY BREWSTER! HOW THE.... WHAT...... I DON'T..... When I saw her on I Love the 80's I had an aneurysm I was so aroused.
48. Tara Reid: She's never been sexier than the time she offered to blow The Dude for 1,000 dollars. Brandt couldn't watch uless he paid a hundred.......... obscure Lebowski reference? Anybody?
49. Uma Thurman: Perhaps the coolest woman on this thing, minus Drew. Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill.... Poison Ivy. Impressive credentials.
50. Posh Spice: What do you think Dancin' DiPaola?
Dancin' DiPaola: "I would bend her like Beckham... does. Any last words Creepy McCreep?"
Creepy McCreep: "I would fuck her so many times she'd be posh."
Hall of Fame of Life (Vagina Edition) created by Paul Gulyas, Matt Hatkoff, Brian DiPaola, Athanasios Satrazemis