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Lonely Pollock
NOTORIOUS P.J.G

This is the site where I put up some of the funniest... most shocking.... most touching things people have said to me over the internet. There's some good stuff.... Hey, keep talking to me and who knows? You could be on here next! Please talk to me? I'm so lonely. Sometimes I cry at night.

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Well, we'll start with perhaps the Queen of Stupid Things Said Over AOL Instant Messenger, as promised, Sassic Massasi, AKA Jessica Massari, AKA CoZmicAuRa.
 
CoZmicAuRa (2:25:48 PM): i am not a man
 
CoZmicAuRa (2:28:06 PM): this is not a laughing matter
CoZmicAuRa (2:28:17 PM): ((haha))
 
CoZmicAuRa (11:26:45 PM): i just felt like lafing
CoZmicAuRa (11:26:47 PM): haha lafing
CoZmicAuRa (11:26:48 PM): tha'ts great
 
CoZmicAuRa (5:37:38 PM): tarzan is going to come here and fall in love w/ me by the way
CoZmicAuRa (6:13:47 PM): is your peanut butter bar in the mix
PaulG83 (6:13:57 PM): what the fuck does that mean
 
CoZmicAuRa (5:30:19 PM): omg money now has co,lors!!!
 
CoZmicAuRa (1:25:45 PM): ogm i look like casper
 
CoZmicAuRa (3:57:08 PM): haha i cna't tell you now b/c i'm talking to him online and if i happen to send th wrong im its all over
 
CoZmicAuRa (4:09:07 PM): oh goooL!!!!!!
CoZmicAuRa (4:09:11 PM): (combo of cool and good)
 
CoZmicAuRa (10:57:50 AM): i don't know where my pants are
 
CoZmicAuRa (7:57:40 PM): and i would like tos ay that my boobs look big in this shirt
 
CoZmicAuRa (4:36:33 PM): good thing its not a bull penis
CoZmicAuRa (4:36:37 PM): someone might have eaten it!
CoZmicAuRa (4:36:37 PM): hahaha
PaulG83 (4:36:45 PM): that was the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard
 
CoZmicAuRa (8:19:03 PM): i have a pic w/ me w/ a baloon penis hahahahhaha
 
CoZmicAuRa (9:42:32 AM): i screamed "wooowhooo a deeer"!!!" in the middle of the entire dining hall
 
CoZmicAuRa (8:02:07 PM): haha bears are greattttt anddd i want oneeee as a peettt ohh yaaaa
 
CoZmicAuRa (7:13:40 PM): horses are mad dudmb
CoZmicAuRa (7:13:45 PM): and all they do is freakin gallop
 
CoZmicAuRa (5:03:33 PM): haha idk i'm watching "hang time " right now haha
 
CoZmicAuRa (7:15:54 PM): i wanna b a pig
CoZmicAuRa (7:16:00 PM): no i realy don't though
CoZmicAuRa (7:16:02 PM): b/c i dont' like bacon
 
THESE NEXT TWO ARE WHILE SHE IS DRUNK, STILL DRINKING, AND WAITING FOR DP DOUGH TO DELIVER FOOD, WHICH IS TAKING QUITE A LONG TIME...
 
CoZmicAuRa (2:26:23 AM): OPPS I JUST MISSED M Y MOTUH\
 
CoZmicAuRa (2:40:48 AM): i wannt fidfuckin go here and make my own fuckin dp doegh
 
 

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Next up is my buddy Sean. He's an animal folks. Let's get in for a closer look:
 
PaulG83 (11:15:37 PM): u are primitive
UNCLEBONGO (11:15:47 PM): sex! and meat!
 
PaulG83 (5:49:02 PM): later assface
UNCLEBONGO (5:49:21 PM): later fuck nuts
 
PaulG83 (11:08:52 PM): life would be so good if i could amuse myself as well as u do
UNCLEBONGO (11:09:02 PM): ignorance is bliss
 
UNCLEBONGO (11:11:18 PM): lord i need drugs...
 
UNCLEBONGO (7:54:16 PM): i have finally used my fat for good
PaulG83 (7:54:26 PM): what do u mean
UNCLEBONGO (7:54:33 PM): i won a DVD player
UNCLEBONGO (7:54:37 PM): in a pudding eating contest!
 
 

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Here comes some interesting comments from the one and only, the beautiful: JOY!!!!!!!!!!
 
joypop528 (1:31:26 PM): haha...i saw this note on jess's bookshelf for a "condom use study"
joypop528 (1:31:39 PM): my reaction, "oh help us all!"
 
joypop528 (12:30:39 AM): yeah i'm a loser
joypop528 (12:30:52 AM): a loser with a killer shelf!
 
joypop528 (12:46:31 AM): i'm a girl, all we do is complain, so if you feel like you are complaining, it's nothing new to me
 
joypop528 (4:11:14 PM): write a poem about me: I'm sensational
 
joypop528 (6:48:23 PM): i bought a new toothbrush
joypop528 (6:48:33 PM): it's a children's tazmanian devil one
joypop528 (6:48:48 PM): ages three to eight
joypop528 (6:49:06 PM): cost me 2.99 plus tax
joypop528 (6:49:25 PM): and i didn't even have a coupon
joypop528 (6:49:35 PM): i'm going to get going, i'll see you tomorrow

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HERE THEY COME FROM THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND: JON BOUCHARD!
 
KingJeep22 (8:41:25 PM): bein a badass sucks dicks
KingJeep22 (8:41:33 PM): it costs all this extra money
 
KingJeep22 (2:39:14 AM): i hope they lose their teeth or somethin akward like that
KingJeep22 (2:39:21 AM): toes would be good
KingJeep22 (2:39:25 AM): balls would work
KingJeep22 (2:39:28 AM): faces
KingJeep22 (2:39:30 AM): lives
KingJeep22 (2:39:37 AM): nah they could live
KingJeep22 (2:39:53 AM): maybe a sickness that makes me fall over a lot
 
KingJeep22 (8:50:46 PM): yo what are you doin friday?
KingJeep22 (8:51:12 PM): replace yo with a blank space due to its unnecessaryness
 
KingJeep22 (1:48:07 PM): man, upon further inspection i remembered that nowhere lets be buy alcohol yet
KingJeep22 (1:48:11 PM): they just know somehow

Here's some really deep stuff by Whiskeyman... Makes you think.
 
A10willliveon (7:59:47 PM): fork in my eye
 
A10willliveon (12:06:16 AM): i love lava
 
A10willliveon (12:08:37 AM): Cyborg ninja = win
 
A10willliveon (8:58:57 PM): my fucking sister's been on the tv all day so i can't even splice it to lizzy mcguire or whatnot
 
A10willliveon (10:16:48 PM): SARS
 
A10willliveon (10:25:22 PM): ninja attack
 
A10willliveon (10:49:56 PM): example : Saki He couldn't get any girls in high school, now that he's older he has at least one highschool chick
 
A10willliveon (10:19:24 PM): school + work = anal fuck
 
A10willliveon (11:41:22 PM): Self sacrifice is almost always glorified
 
A10willliveon (4:14:22 PM): wanna go scare old people?
 
A10willliveon (11:56:19 PM): You should do a kirk voice more often
A10willliveon (11:56:28 PM): i could see you talking like kirk
 
A10willliveon (10:35:55 PM): i've always been a fan of dick jones
A10willliveon (10:36:02 PM): that and mike tyson's punch out
PaulG83 (10:36:53 PM): who isn't
A10willliveon (10:43:21 PM): hot pockets rock ym world
 
A10willliveon (9:48:13 PM): how bout saki? how many ninjas does he know?
PaulG83 (9:48:37 PM): none, but he knows a lot of gay people
A10willliveon (9:48:47 PM): gya ninjas?
PaulG83 (9:48:55 PM): no just gays
A10willliveon (9:49:06 PM): would they be any good as ninjas?
 

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Leah is so nice to me....
 
Leah B516 (2:03:06 PM): you are soooooooooo amazingly... umm something
PaulG83 (2:03:22 PM): haha flattery won't make the CDs be made any faster but thanks
Leah B516 (2:04:37 PM): nooo im saying it from the heart
 
PaulG83 (2:15:59 PM): haha what do u think i am
Leah B516 (2:16:08 PM): my BITCH
 
Leah B516 (1:39:00 PM): oh, i dont cry, ever
Leah B516 (1:39:03 PM): im a non crying
Leah B516 (1:39:05 PM): cryer
PaulG83 (1:39:08 PM): that's a lie
Leah B516 (1:39:21 PM): you're a lie, buddy
 
Leah B516 (8:03:28 PM): wow well i wasn't kidding when i said you were no fun
Leah B516 (8:03:35 PM): i cant believe we're even friends
 
Leah B516 (8:15:04 PM): guess how bad my feet smell
PaulG83 (8:15:18 PM): um really really bad
Leah B516 (8:15:22 PM): yes
 
Leah B516 (4:19:20 PM): saki's a bitch
 
Leah B516 (7:07:06 PM): well, he doesnt drink, so how smart can he be
 
Leah B516 (6:57:52 PM): jeez hurry up, seriously paul, you have to throw up. don't be a pussy. you have to drink and go out tonight
 
Leah B516 (11:38:33 AM): this kid .... tucked me in really tightly and i guess i was happy and i wanted you to know haha sorry
 
 

And now what you've all been waiting for.... DICK JONESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
 
Jones53084 (6:24:27 PM): i'm a fucking slut
 
Jones53084 (12:54:57 PM): i'm not a religous man, but i'm praying corkery comes
 
Jones53084 (3:49:28 PM): from now on, whenever i walk into a room that music should be playing
Jones53084 (3:49:41 PM): it'll be like i'm a wrestler
 
PaulG83 (5:02:58 PM): Richard Jonesy
Jones53084 (5:03:35 PM): what up ya big homo
PaulG83 (5:03:51 PM): watchin coming attractions on E
Jones53084 (5:04:43 PM): well sorry to cut this great convo short but gotta go
Jones53084 signed off at 5:04:51 PM.
 
Jones53084 (3:04:59 PM): i was gonna get the simpsons season 3, it was gonna be a big day for me
 
Jones53084 (7:25:50 PM): well have a great rest of your birthday i'm going and fucking some bitch
 
Jones53084 (11:14:43 AM): my idol john ritter died
Jones53084 (11:16:03 AM): i'm gonna drink myself silly tonight to forget about it
 
Jones53084 (11:20:43 AM): going to school
Jones53084 (11:21:08 AM): and going on my computer, thats pretty much the extent of my life right now
 
Jones53084 (9:44:38 AM): i'm gonna drink so much i'm gonna throw up on the door to the bathroom
 
Jones53084 (4:14:17 PM): did u hear the fucking order i got
PaulG83 (4:22:28 PM): no i didn't
Jones53084 (4:22:47 PM): lets just say half the fucking campus is ordering shit from me
 
Jones53084 (11:31:46 PM): we were watching half baked at joe's with Christy Romano and we were making fun of her all night, and then we watched half baked and i made the joke wasn't this on the disney channel the other day and it was all quite and very awkward
 
Jones53084 (11:33:19 PM): the time we were driving by me house and my dad was outside and cork yelled Pussy, and i didn't realize and then the next day he asked me if someday called him a name when we drove by
 
PaulG83 (2:23:36 PM): u're comin tomorrow and that's final
Jones53084 (2:23:52 PM): yeah i'll be there alright
PaulG83 (2:24:48 PM): i'll give you a dollar
Jones53084 (2:25:44 PM): that'll make up for my lost wages
 
PaulG83 (2:26:30 PM): all u do is work
Jones53084 (2:27:11 PM): not true, all i do is nothing
 
Jones53084 (2:45:59 PM): yeah it was great, i had the worst hangover of my life
 
 
 

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Pat has a bit of a problem with making sense.... Really, you think these might be taken out of context and fit into the conversation, but I'm just as perplexed as you.
 
Hill770 (4:51:09 PM): hi this is jane whos this?
 
Hill770 (11:27:26 AM): hi how are you feeling
PaulG83 (11:27:38 AM): better, but weird
Hill770 (11:27:53 AM): why weird mr. mysterious
 
Hill770 (6:41:56 PM): yeah saved it on floppy a like doug funny
 
Hill770 (5:17:26 PM): actually paul im scared of u cuz ur strong
 
Hill770 (11:19:07 AM): i had some what of a moral issue that i was proud of myself for
Hill770 (11:19:33 AM): cuz this girl with just massive breasts and a thin waist wanted to have sex with me but she had a boyfriend so i said no
Hill770 (11:19:42 AM): cuz i just pictured the boyfriend killing himself
 
Hill770 (11:22:54 AM): just shit on saki's chest
 
Pat also has this problem... He's scared of the New Year... Not as bad as Dick Jones, but it's pretty bad.
 
Hill770 (7:00:16 PM): i dont understand why the new year even has to come
 
Hill770 (6:49:39 PM): but if i get shit from the new year dentist your hearing about
 
Hill770 (6:55:21 PM): i told him about my fear and dick jones fear
PaulG83 (6:55:26 PM): did he treat u
Hill770 (6:55:50 PM): sorta, im cured but dick is still scared he said he could not be treated.. hes just too scared
PaulG83 (6:55:58 PM): no medication
Hill770 (6:56:16 PM): asprin did not work.. i have no idea why cuz the new year doctor always gives that to people

Leslie gets straight to the point... She doesn't fuck around.
 
hoOpf L y a 14 (9:46:48 PM): if u were a highway i'd want 2 ride u all night long
 
PaulG83 (10:33:56 AM): so are u gonna be like "so bruce, if u ever come across a part that calls for a beautiful blonde here's my number"
hoopflya14 (10:34:07 AM): haha hell yea
hoopflya14 (10:34:17 AM): then ill grab his package
hoopflya14 (10:35:05 AM): think it will work?
 
hoOpf L y a 14 (8:38:21 PM): wanna come to the love shack with me?
 
hoOpf L y a 14 (4:40:09 PM): blows ass chunks
 
hoopflya14 (10:28:45 AM): i will never be clean.
hoopflya14 (10:28:50 AM): i love being dirty
 
hoopflya14 (7:52:38 PM): stupid yanks
hoopflya14 (7:52:41 PM): ill yank something
hoopflya14 (7:52:45 PM): bizzitch
 
hoopflya14 (3:26:08 PM): I WISH THIS FONT COULD YELL AT YOU BECAUSE IF IT COULD IT WOULD BE RIGHT NOW
 
hoopflya14 (3:28:25 PM): U M YEA I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD A LITTLE PEE CAME OUT
 
hoopflya14 (12:42:36 AM): oh my god i watched a whole nite of full house
hoopflya14 (12:42:39 AM): it was fuckin bangin
 
hoopflya14 (8:14:12 PM): FUCK A DUCK

fullhouse.gif

My dad always has the best advice for me.... I think.
 
DePAULIND (10:36:41 PM): all things happen for reasons, i think the best is yet to come
PaulG83 (10:36:56 PM): i hope so
DePAULIND (10:37:29 PM): if not you can always stick a gun in your mouth
 
DePAULIND (2:26:46 PM): put the push on and study your balls off for it
 
DePAULIND (7:57:42 PM): didn't get arrested over the weekend?
PaulG83 (7:57:53 PM): no, actually i did
DePAULIND (7:58:13 PM): WHAT
PaulG83 (7:58:30 PM): i'm just kidding dad
DePAULIND (7:59:11 PM): find somethingelse to kid about
 
DePAULIND (6:43:16 PM): whats the lingiustic class about
PaulG83 (6:45:10 PM): it's called Language and Environment
DePAULIND (6:45:27 PM): what do you study
PaulG83 (6:45:52 PM): it's the birth, spread, and death of languages. a basic survey of the effects of geography, society, and politics on language families
DePAULIND (6:46:43 PM): hopefully it will be more interesting than it sounds
PaulG83 (6:46:52 PM): yeah i know
PaulG83 (6:47:00 PM): greek civ would have been more interesting
DePAULIND (6:47:18 PM): so would matching my socks
 
DePAULIND (5:46:44 PM): 7TH FLOOR!
PaulG83 (5:46:48 PM): yup
DePAULIND (5:47:22 PM): have to bring your own oxygen?
 
DePAULIND (1:05:42 PM): besides, if you decided psyc wasn't for you, you could always major in astronomy
PaulG83 (1:07:19 PM): yeah, there's a lot of money in calculating how far away the moons of jupiter are
DePAULIND (1:07:55 PM): well, you kind of have to pass a test here and there
PaulG83 (1:08:10 PM): yeah u're right, maybe i'll just minor in it
DePAULIND (1:08:55 PM): your better off at least tryin to get a "d" in it and get as far away from it as you can
 
 

Some gems from Double Down
 
Ike 320BD (9:46:15 AM): saki a faggot? ya dont say
 
Ike 320BD (3:18:06 PM): i was just going to ask you how to spell a word,
but when i was gonna type it, i realized that wouldnt work online
 
Ike 320BD (4:20:49 PM): in other words....im going to do my saki
impression, and nap
 
Ike 320BD (12:36:58 AM): come on down
Ike 320BD (12:37:13 AM): you're the next contestant on the Night is
Boring
 
Ike 320BD (11:03:07 PM): i said that our phil. prof was evidence that
there is an imperfect god
 
Ike 320BD (11:54:53 PM): yeah, this whole "walking" thing doesnt sit well
with me
Ike 320BD (12:31:10 AM): ya know what i hate?
PaulG83 (12:31:28 AM): not eating delicious subs?
Ike 320BD (12:31:39 AM): yeah.... :-(
 
Ike 320BD (8:38:38 PM): f'n husky bucks
PaulG83 (8:38:43 PM): seriously
Ike 320BD (8:38:45 PM): jonathan should be neutered
 
PaulG83 (11:31:15 AM): what would u do if u woke up and EVERY DAY john
ritter died again
Ike 320BD (11:32:28 AM): i'd be scarred for life...id become a problem
child

ritter.gif

Straight from the mouth of my favorite co-host, John Edmund Corkery:
 
sinbadtheman1233 (7:55:42 PM): thats cool, r we all going to the anual st
agnus easter egg hunt?
PaulG83 (7:56:23 PM): i'll be there
PaulG83 (7:56:31 PM): i think dick jones is actually playing the easter
bunny this year
sinbadtheman1233 (7:57:08 PM): he does it every year except his injury in
97.
 
sinbadtheman1233 (8:17:13 PM): idk it has all the people in it that we
hate.
PaulG83 (8:17:22 PM): like who
sinbadtheman1233 (8:17:44 PM): goodlooking and in shape people.
 
sinbadtheman1233 (12:38:50 PM): tnr 2:the search for curly's gold.
 
sinbadtheman1233 (9:11:24 PM): are we gonna dable with nudity in this
one.
 
sinbadtheman1233 (12:16:35 AM): yeah i hate thewm all they all think
their so fucking hot.
sinbadtheman1233 (12:16:49 AM): dam good looking people.
sinbadtheman1233 (12:16:57 AM): im sick of them.
 
sinbadtheman1233 (12:17:48 AM): hey im not looking for love im looking
for drunken fun!
sinbadtheman1233 (12:17:56 AM): and wings
 
sinbadtheman1233 (12:20:42 AM): hahahaaa beer is my key ingrediant to
charm.
sinbadtheman1233 (1:39:25 AM): yea as long as i dont talk to the same
people again. ps:dont let hatkoff nere me when im hamered he makes me do
stupid shit.
PaulG83 (1:41:13 AM): haha u do stupid shit anyay
sinbadtheman1233 (1:41:26 AM): i call it being charming.
 
sinbadtheman1233 (1:13:41 AM): yeah but we stil have the time of are
lives. brother bear comes out this sat., i might have to stay home.
PaulG83 (1:14:24 AM): lol what?
sinbadtheman1233 (1:14:52 AM): disneys brother bear, the cartoon about
the indian who turns into a bear.
sinbadtheman1233 (1:28:07 AM): did u enjoy the recipe tonight.?
PaulG83 (1:28:45 AM): the recipe?
sinbadtheman1233 (1:28:53 AM): the drink.
sinbadtheman1233 (1:29:07 AM): beer/vodka.
sinbadtheman1233 (1:29:20 AM): /hatkoffs testicals.
sinbadtheman1233 (1:34:53 AM): i want some depee wings.
 
sinbadtheman1233 (2:09:48 AM): timeeeeeeee to pass out, good
nightttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt don't let the bed
bugsssssss bit your titttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttties.
 
sinbadtheman1233 (2:16:28 PM): dick jones is the next rueben studdard.
 
sinbadtheman1233 (1:05:09 AM): no that will never happen, at least not
for myself, i gotta start going for girls that are fat or possibly a hot
blind girl.
 
PaulG83 (10:31:07 PM): u comin this weekend
sinbadtheman1233 (10:31:51 PM): does a bear shit in the woods.
PaulG83 (10:33:25 PM): lol
PaulG83 (10:33:32 PM): we missed ya last weekend
sinbadtheman1233 (10:35:02 PM): i heard.
PaulG83 (10:35:34 PM): had some good times though
PaulG83 (10:35:36 PM): DP DOUGH
sinbadtheman1233 (10:36:07 PM): love that, its like licking your first
vagina.
PaulG83 (10:37:06 PM): and we got wings and jones paid for them
sinbadtheman1233 (10:37:35 PM): hahaha he's a good friend.
PaulG83 (10:38:03 PM): he was so drunk
sinbadtheman1233 (10:38:54 PM): you shouldve hit that.
PaulG83 (10:40:38 PM): believe me i tried
 

reuben.gif

Everybody's favorite hispanic, Jorge Enrique Gonzalez III!
 
speedy6419 (11:25:37 PM): you are poison and i am an unsuspecting child
 
speedy6419 (1:15:49 AM): oh excuse me sir can you please get your snatch
out of my face. thank you
 
speedy6419 (2:05:59 PM): kick his ass when hes up there, just run up
behind him and club him
speedy6419 (2:06:09 PM): let multiple knees to the chest of course
 
speedy6419 (2:00:16 AM): yeah oh and while you were gone my brother
became a dog and my dad got breast implants
 
speedy6419 (2:07:42 AM): your the man now dog!
speedy6419 (2:40:52 PM): if michael can avoid women, avoid his skin
color, he can avoid jail time
speedy6419 (2:41:01 PM): he'll be alirght
 
speedy6419 (12:41:14 PM): i thought i'd have to tell his kids there
father died
speedy6419 (12:41:24 PM): oh wait i wasnt supposed to tell him
speedy6419 (12:41:52 PM): brian you have two sons daniel and nino
speedy6419 (12:42:07 PM): nino is 2 daniel is 4
speedy6419 (12:42:15 PM): im sorry i didnt tell you sooner
speedy6419 (12:42:26 PM): wow im fucking crazy i gotta stop this shit
 
 

children.gif

Here he is folks, the next BC USG President, Joseph Brian Sabia!
 
On my senile astronomy teacher and Asian TA:
 
oh i gotchya (11:25:48 AM): well, aside from the fact i hate asians, but paul, come on, any class that SEEMS like its gonna be a blow off course, you should realize that the people who run it are miserable people because they KNOW everyone perceives it as a blow off course, so they make everyone's lives hell, because they want to be god-like figures
 
oh i gotchya (11:28:30 AM): she'll die soon enough paul, jsut have patience
 
oh i gotchya (1:39:27 AM): best part about going to the red sox game tonight: seeing michael bolton forget the lyrics to the star spangled banner
 
oh i gotchya (12:18:27 AM): what the flaming ted danson/
 
oh i gotchya (11:43:59 AM): lol minority report and the scene where he makes out with the old lady for NO reason
PaulG83 (11:44:07 AM): RIDICULOUS
PaulG83 (11:44:17 AM): i watched that the other and i was still just in awe of its ridiculousness
PaulG83 (11:44:25 AM): who decided that it would be a GOOD IDEA to do that
oh i gotchya (11:44:30 AM): lol spielberg's all this big pervert
 
On his brother enjoying a particular part in a movie Joe and I made:
PaulG83 (1:19:17 AM): lol ur bro loved that part
oh i gotchya (1:19:29 AM): i know that was when he loved me.
 
And finally, a freestyle rap about Johan Sebastian Bach by the one and only Joe Sabia:
oh i gotchya (1:18:29 AM): the rap is a rap about classical music lol
PaulG83 (1:18:36 AM): haha alright cool
oh i gotchya (1:18:37 AM): Turn back the hand, 4 centuries on the clock,
Stop time, start to rock, you see a man named bach
Johann Sebastian of the german fashion, built the bastion of which music
would start crashin
He chilled at his organ in his church, first, to make music for which he
lurked
every Sunday, without pay he played, bashin on the keyboard til his
fingers hurt
oh i gotchya (1:18:52 AM): he wrote a bit of partitas and a lotta
cantatas, uh huh, some toccatas, and even sonatas
can't lose with the fugues, so don't lose your morale, always up in the
sleeve was his famous chorale
All of this music was straight for the lord, played on an organ or a
harpsichord.
If someone says baroque's a joke, and his music's a crock,
Use a pun with his name, and say "get off my bach".

bach.gif

The King of AIM himself, definitely my personal favorite, Kevin Barry McCarthy, aka "Mac"... Got quite a few.
 
ohyabastd (7:15:08 PM): seinfeld is doing a show at knickerbockers
tomorrow
ohyabastd (7:15:18 PM): i'm lying, this city blows cocks
 
ohyabastd (7:32:21 PM): when i went to the concert with claire, i felt
very gay cuz people were partying and i was eating a sandwich in the
backseat of the car
 
ohyabastd (7:35:52 PM): so what you're saying is the Suck Your Dick Train
just pulled into station?
 
ohyabastd (7:39:05 PM): i wanna have some illegitimate children by this
time next year
 
In reference to the children's show Zoobile Zoo:
ohyabastd (12:34:08 AM): when you think about it though, it probably made
so many children homosexuals
 
ohyabastd (6:52:34 PM): hey look! it's Dweeb 9.0!
 
ohyabastd (10:06:15 PM): imagine being a girl and waking up to the guy's
roommate unbuttoning your pants? lol
ohyabastd (10:06:19 PM): i wish i didn't mind jail
 
ohyabastd (12:52:50 AM): for 1000 dollars would you allow a midget to
wake you up at your normal time by teabagging you for 5 days in a row
PaulG83 (12:53:00 AM): yes
ohyabastd (12:54:23 AM): what if in class your teacher on the fifth day
said "here comes teabag boy" as you walked in
 
ohyabastd (1:11:31 PM): are you mocking me? cuz i got to fly around in
the front seat of a chopper
ohyabastd (1:11:34 PM): and it was sweet
ohyabastd (1:11:49 PM): i kinda wanted to get some black kid to run
through the streets below
 
ohyabastd (1:50:31 PM): i'm gonna go look at myself
ohyabastd (1:50:36 PM): i mean read for government
 
ohyabastd (12:59:21 PM): should i be mr. bean for halloween?
ohyabastd (1:00:02 PM): i'd be all hated
 
ohyabastd (12:57:57 PM): i haven't combed or brushed my hair in months
ohyabastd (12:58:07 PM): i look like a hobbit
 
ohyabastd (1:05:36 AM): if a fat girl gets loud when she's drunk, she's
on my goddamned hit list
ohyabastd (1:08:52 AM): instead of shutting my door
ohyabastd (1:09:08 AM): i should be allowed to puncture staples into loud
fat drunk girl's neck
 
ohyabastd (7:57:08 PM): wheres your roommate
PaulG83 (7:57:29 PM): he's here why
ohyabastd (7:57:54 PM): i have to ask him stuff about his church
ohyabastd (7:57:59 PM): and his juicy dong
 
ohyabastd (10:58:09 PM): you know what would be fucking money?
PaulG83 (10:58:13 PM): wjat
ohyabastd (10:58:16 PM): a sleeping cap
ohyabastd (10:58:27 PM): how fucking cash would that be?
ohyabastd (10:58:57 PM): like Don't Wake Daddy style
PaulG83 (10:59:00 PM): haha
PaulG83 (10:59:08 PM): i have longed for one many a night
ohyabastd (11:00:03 PM): the guys on the hall have a habit of blasting
music at ridiculous volumes from 1055-11 when quiet hours start, just to
fuck with the ra a little i guess, it's fun too
ohyabastd (11:00:23 PM): but i wish i could just storm out of my room
with a sleeping cap on and demand what was going on
ohyabastd (11:00:49 PM): everyone would always know when i had just woken
up
On people asking me if my portfolio for my Creative Writing Class was a professional portfolio:
PaulG83 (12:18:42 AM): only massari was dumb enough to be like "portfolio
for what? like a professional one?"
ohyabastd (12:19:13 AM): "purchase AOL Time-Warner"
PaulG83 (12:19:46 AM): haha
ohyabastd (12:20:34 AM): no, she'd be like "buy nickelodeon gak stock"
 
ohyabastd (10:37:11 PM): i wish i lived in india like 200 years ago
ohyabastd (10:37:17 PM): so i could just be betrothed
 
Jokes that didn't go over so well for Kev:
ohyabastd (1:12:35 PM): yeah, at lunch today i was like "what's with
china and not knowing what dragons look like?" i laugh but everyone else
just hated me
 
ohyabastd (1:20:29 PM): and then my other joke that was all hated was we
were making fun of this one kid cuz he's like a millionaire so we told
all these people he got a pony for christmas
PaulG83 (1:20:45 PM): haha
ohyabastd (1:20:53 PM): and then we joked about like all these golden
saddles and gold bars in its saddlebags and stuff
ohyabastd (1:21:22 PM): so i say "does he have a cigarette case like in
bugs bunny with carrots in it that you feed him?"
ohyabastd (1:21:28 PM): and everyone just went silent
PaulG83 (1:21:43 PM): i'm laughing but just cuz it's so bad
ohyabastd (1:21:52 PM): and i picked up my soda and was like "man, this
is simply delicious" and they laughed
 
ohyabastd (12:18:18 AM): lol my roomie is playing a game online
ohyabastd (12:18:27 AM): and it announces every time there's a headshot
ohyabastd (12:18:38 AM): and on the last game ther ewas a plethora of
headshots
ohyabastd (12:18:48 AM): and i was like "geez, headshot city over there"
ohyabastd (12:19:17 AM): and he was like "yeah... it is headshot city
over here, mac"
ohyabastd (12:19:22 AM): and i felt all gay
 
ohyabastd (4:39:13 PM): i just watched a documentary on surfing at the
campus theater
PaulG83 (4:39:20 PM): oh yeah, how was that
ohyabastd (4:39:28 PM): it was pretty good
ohyabastd (4:39:44 PM): for a while i was like "i wanna be a surfer" but
then i was like "great whites? fuckin' fuck that"
ohyabastd (4:40:06 PM): "gimme a 3 day hopper to wet n wild water kingdom
and keep your toothy beasts"
 
ohyabastd (4:47:12 PM): i'm gonna set up a reward system when i get
married
ohyabastd (4:47:20 PM): i get head for every four stars i get
ohyabastd (4:47:56 PM): and i get stars for like taking out the garbage,
driving her places, not beating her, etc
 
ohyabastd (4:09:58 PM): ok, i'll straight up admit to it, right now i'm
listening to "like a prayer" by madonna and my door is open and i'm proud
ohyabastd (4:18:41 PM): for the next 4 minutes, i'm a material girl, no
fronting
 
ohyabastd (1:44:58 PM): i'm wearing my non-descript sweatshirt to classes
today
ohyabastd (1:45:05 PM): i could commit all these crimes
ohyabastd (1:45:36 PM): and witnesses would be like "um, he looks like
everyone, he was wearing um, to be honest i didn't notice - he wasn't
naked"
ohyabastd (1:33:15 AM): povich is a fuckin dying line
ohyabastd (1:33:36 AM): he tries to ask all these penetrating questions
and the bitches aren't buying it
 
PaulG83 (1:48:13 AM): alright i'm gonna go watch freddy vs. jason for the
first time, saki left the dvd up here
PaulG83 (1:48:51 AM): peace
ohyabastd (1:48:54 AM): i'm envious
ohyabastd (1:49:06 AM): but not as envious as of someone who's flying a
handglider
ohyabastd (3:37:10 PM): hey, uh, here's some milk
ohyabastd (3:37:18 PM): now bite off a little fuck you and wash it down
 
PaulG83 (1:13:55 PM): i woke up at 11 and haven't really moved
PaulG83 (1:14:35 PM): i'm waiting for a sandwhich to perchance wander
into my room
ohyabastd (1:15:21 PM): open your door and just place a gladlock bag in
plain view
ohyabastd (1:15:31 PM): with a miniature pillow at one end

 
 
 

And now for some honorable mentions:
 
angelo860 (10:27:31 PM): i'm fuckin a 30 year woman
 
APNike21 (2:40:22 PM): i hear you still have that gay roomate
 
AtAriBboy84 (6:35:58 PM): for my part i'm gonna be in the past editing
the first movie....and i'll say something like i've been editing for 3
days non stop....and in the present you guys can mention i'm a crackwhore
or soemthing
 
AtAriBboy84 (5:15:57 PM): i want to do something with a huge mascot
costume...i'm not sure what but something serious but have a costume in
it
 
Augie715 (2:03:43 PM): lol. all these riots. kinda like where i work
 
BarzRule (8:54:49 PM): i may go into boxing
 
Bbabyxddoll (5:52:32 PM): i told kevin u were coming to my soroities
lobster bake
Bbabyxddoll (5:58:31 PM): i told him we would pick him up in the chi
omega safe ride
 
DEBVAL57 (9:19:12 PM): geez why cant u find a girl?
 
huuudak (4:35:23 PM): write about bumble bees
huuudak (4:35:32 PM): they are my favorite insect
 
huuudak (5:36:43 PM): i was thinkin about how i was going ot make it
through all my finals and i was like, if the brave little toaster could
do it i can too
 
Kosyjoe (9:33:08 PM): penis, penis, cunt, pussy, bitch, clitoris, fatch